Deeply distressed at this they began say to him one after another, "Surely it is not I, Lord?" Mt. 26: 22.
It is odd. It is poignant. It is disturbing to notice in the very fabric of the origins of our Christian faith is betrayal; from one in the very inner circle. It was so unthinkable that the prediction of it
elicited this disturbing question: Surely, it is not I, Lord? The horror of it struck to the heart of each of the apostles. None could foresee themselves as the guilty one, yet they knew their own instability.
In Matthew 26: 31 we find Jesus saying, "This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken . . . ." All of them had their faith shaken. One of them denied knowing him. One betrayed him.
Yet, only Judas do we remember as evil. Why? The others repented, Peter most dramatically. Somewhere in the original Maundy Thursday experience came the crunch time for Judas. Judas finally realized Jesus was incorrigible in his reaching out to the hopeless, the helpless, the poor, the voiceless and was not going to build his work on powerful people or secure a stable political base. I believe that when he saw the Master washing feet he had his confirmation that he had made the right decision to betray Christ. This stooping to wash feet must have repelled him. It certainly wasn't easy for Peter. But Judas was not looking to become a foot washer. The idea of servant-leadership was not for him. Later when faced with the consequences of his evil deed, his self-loathing did not allow him to consider repentance and confession.
All the disciples were shaken in faith. Only Judas refused to repent. Therefore, no matter what good Christ saw in Judas when he called him to be one of the Twelve it was lost in the shadow of this troubling singular event of his betrayal. Repentance could have made all the difference.
In Peter we can see the cleansing and restoration received by all the others. We do not think of him as the doubting, denying, weak-kneed one but as he became: the Rock. Peter the Rock. Jesus prophesied it. He saw it in him, but Peter had to go through all the changes and especially the humiliating public failure and subsequent confession and repentance. Through repentance he became the noble and powerful apostle. It made all the difference. Life can be rebuilt through repentance.
Louis Templeman