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When I read the ancient prayer where I acknowledge “my offenses are many and my misery is great” I feel the echo in my imagination ringing out loud peals of affirmation. When I, later in my morning prayers, align myself with all the “banished children of Eve” here in “this vale of tears” I, once again, acknowledge my need for salvation along with all sinners of the earth. It is a heavy, sometimes nasty feeling to daily affirm my inabilities, my desperate need, my sinfulness and my offenses.
I have been going though a tunnel of fog the last several days. In fact I could actually say it has been going on for a week or two. I haven’t really kept track. It is such a common feeling, this depressive mindset, this mental oppression, that it is easy to get used to it and accommodate it, like an ugly, nasty sister who dogs your every step demanding you take care of her. It’s like an obligation, my assignment to keep this thing alive. It is my duty to be tormented. Yes, it sounds stupid and self- defeating but I have to admit there is a perverse attachment to misery, self-pity and the personal drama of powerlessness.
The ancient prayers are not given to us to encourage this deviant attachment to self-destruction but to draw us to the power and love of God. When we can truly and humbly accept our nothingness it is then he can become our everything.
I have discovered this peace of embracing God as my everything comes though the struggle of faith and patience. Without faith, of course, it is impossible to please God and without patience there is little realization of God’s peace and promises. This challenge to our walk of faith is not complicated. It may not be easy but it is simple.
Here’s how I do the battle. And, I must add there is really no other option for me. First, I learn to catch the mental oppression, the fear, the worry or other negativity as early as possible and simply verbalize and/or mentally assent (sometimes talking out loud is most effective) that God is good, his mercy is everlasting. Then I remind myself that I am thankful for all things, even this misery because he has promised to work even this to my good. For me, these positive affirmations or confessions are very powerful and very necessary.
I also must remember that my Christian faith is not meant to be a lonely journey of self-seeking or self-fulfillment. I speak with a priest or pastor regularly and openly confess my sins and short coming and receive absolution (or assurance of God’s forgiveness). Sometimes, I will call someone who is special to me and just unburden my heart. I need someone who will challenge me, “Do I hear a whine? Maybe, I should get you some cheese?”
When Jesus faced his mental anguish and feelings of abandonment at Gethsemane he plowed on in faith, trusting in God’s will, and received angelic ministry and strength to do the hard work he was called to do. When the Apostle Paul petitioned God for relief from his “thorn in the flesh” he didn’t get the answer he wanted but he was assured of God’s presence and received the confidence of being in God’s will.
A while back I was speaking with the Holy Spirit and complaining (I suppose) that so much of the Christian life is like walking on water. Even when you are doing God’s will, like Peter and the disciples who were at sea as Jesus directed them only to encounter a storm which overwhelmed their sailing skills. Here they were doing God’s will. And it caused them to face certain death. Once I saw this as I studied this passage and all I could do was exclaim to myself, “Good Grief! Jesus led them right into that storm.” It seemed to clear up or explain some of my own adventures and journeys with the Spirit of God.
The encounter of the storm did not indicate they were outside of God’s will. It was, in fact, part of God’s design for their growth and instruction. It was a graciously orchestrated situation in which the Lord could display his power and love. Nevertheless, it was so intense and so filled with danger that Peter chose to abandon ship to be with Jesus standing on the sea rather than remain on a boat he was sure was soon to sink.
How many times have I endeavored to obey God and patiently, humbly plow on through difficulties only to feel like I was sinking in my own troubled sea of disappointment? More than you want to know or that I want to tell. So, as I complained to the Holy Spirit he gave me this insight. Sure, the Christian life is often like walking on water but the hand of Christ is always there to lift us up and to save us from going under.
Often the hand of Christ that reaches out to save me is a person. His body is made of many members. If I am in a storm right now (and it seems lately I always am) I may well be surprised by the one God uses to extend me the lifeline. Jesus often has a human face. I cannot choose what face his hand will have, but I will choose to embrace the leg up and encouragement I need.
Gano Reinhardt
Posted at 03:34 AM in Devotionals, Gano's Posts | Permalink
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Pope Francis: In the Silence … Posted: 24 Oct 2013 09:00 AM PDT |
Posted at 09:53 AM in Words of Hope and Faith | Permalink
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I don’t know, never know
why this sudden joy swell,
the sea wall of self falls
and a tide of stars pours
over and through me.
Please take my blood,
make a serum, inoculate
me for when this passes
and I again fear, certain
that wonder cannot be.
ClIfford Paul Fetters
Hello, Holy Spirit from Gano’s journal
It is 8:16 a.m. and I have spent the morning in prayer. I woke up at 5:30 and got out of bed about 15 minutes later via the snooze alarm. After my shower, breakfast, shaving, dressing, getting lunch ready for work, I was able to spend my normal alone-time with the Lord. I am getting more consistent in addressing the Holy Spirit as I wake up. It seems the right thing to do. And, it feels so right.
I remember the dream I had where the woman, (in ancient Middle Eastern garb, not so different than today, I guess) said to me in an urgent voice, “Gano, you must believe in Jesus. He is your Ruach!” After a lot of searching in a couple of different libraries I discovered she was saying, He is my “breath.”
The breath that hovered over the face of the deep as the world was created. The breath that flowed from the mouth of the Father as the Word was spoken. The breath that restored the bones that Ezekiel prophesied to. The breath in Ps. 104 that renews the face of the earth. The breath/wind that filled the house and lives of the 120 as they prayed on the Day of Pentecost, as the church was birthed.
The breath that I need in my lungs, in my thoughts, in my dreams, in my journey throughout the day. The breath that I need to dispel the misery and doubts and dread that so often fogs up my imagination.
Here are a few of the traditional prayers I pray to the Holy Spirit every morning:
Come Holy Spirit, and daily increase in me your gifts of grace; the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and strength, the spirit of knowledge and true godliness, and fill me with a spirit of true reverence for you, now and forevermore. Amen.
O Holy Spirit, soul of my soul, I adore you. Enlighten, guide, strengthen and console me. Tell me what I ought to do and command me to do it. I promise to be submissive in everything that you permit to happen to me, only show me what is your will.
Another I enjoy and use is from Pope St. Pius x: “Divine Spirit of light and love I consecrate my mind and heart and will to You for time and for eternity. My may mind be open to your divine inspirations and to the teachings of the Church, whose infallible guide you are. May my heart be filled with love of God and of my neighbor and my will conformed to the will of God. May my whole life be a faithful imitation of the life and virtues of Christ our Lord to Whom, with the Father and You, be honor and glory forever. Amen.
These prayers I have prayed for years and they are very reverent and meaningful. However, a new type of praying, an ordinary and just-plain-homey method has come to me. So, along with these special prayers I now, have begun to speak conversationally with the Holy Spirit.
“Good Morning, Holy Spirit. Thank you for being here with me as I wake up. You know, I really need you today. I need your friendship and protection and your guidance. I want to be worshipful and loving to you and also fully obedient to you this day. I cannot do without you. I want my heart and my imagination to be a lovely and welcoming place for you to dwell today. My heart a nest of love for you. I love you Holy Spirit.”
I am seeing that there is place for my ad-lib comments to express my heart conversations to the Holy Spirit. I want to dance in his love, to welcome him into my journey, my struggles, my pain. He is my journey. He is my hope. My victory. My salvation.
Breath of God, wash over me. You are my eternal hope and my love. You are the glow of the face of God. I love you.
Posted at 02:01 AM in Devotionals, Gano's Posts | Permalink
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Today is not like every day.
Today my house flew away.
Today my front door becomes an exit.
Free attorney, legal aid,
Long grey hair, classy ankle length black skirt.
Free attorney said,
“I’m sorry we could not help you. It’s
Good you have a van. Today
Many people rent storage facilities.
She smiled shrugged, “You are not alone.”
Today is like many other days.
I breath. I walk.
Think. Hope.
I talk. Listen.
Fear. Cope.
Now love loves now.
I do what can be done.
Accept what cannot.
Hold those who love me
Very close.
8-16-2013
God is not some superior being within a galaxy of beings. He is not some old watch maker who wound things up and let them run on their own as he drifted uninterested into retirement. God is not our competitor. Some feel that to glorify God is to demean the value of humanity. Life is not a game of God’s intelligence and leadership versus humanity’s.
In fact, God is most often enjoyed, understood, and discovered within his creation. He is imbued within all his creation. Our poets seem to know this:
The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age . . .
The force that drives the water through the rocks
Drives my red blood . . . .
Dylan Thomas
God is indicated within his creation, however, he is not his creation. He is beyond comprehension and apart from his handiwork, but he is not distant. In all creation God found welcome except within the proud deceitful heart of men and women. God desired to be found there also. Why? He is love and he especially loves that part of his creation that he refers to as his children. Love seeks to love. Love begets even more love. Love loves loving what will love back.
Through the life and work of Jesus God found his way into human lives. What does doing his will on earth as it is done in heaven mean but that he intends his love to invade and expand within the human experience. To live in this way is living at the deepest level of reality.
God is praised when we enjoy his creation. However, it is even better for God to be displayed within the lives of his lovers, his children. God in me allows me to develop an eternal strength and increase my value to myself and to my world. God in me will not obliterate my personality.
Saint Augustine was known to say as he administered the body and blood of Christ in Holy Communion, “Behold what you are. Become what you receive.” God is closer to us than we know. I will never be God, but God may choose to display himself within me. Since I am “the least of these” it goes that whatever you do to me you do to him. Blessed Saint Theresa of Calcutta called this “God’s distressing disguise.” It does not distress God. More likely, it distresses us.
Meister Eckhart said, “The spiritual life is not so much climbing the mountain to the distant God as sinking into God.” I suppose he means like a wick sinks into a candle. Together they make a beautiful flame. Saint Irenaeus once wrote, “The glory of God is man fully alive.” God expresses himself in the beauty, truth and power of the visible world. As part of that visible creation he finds welcome in our lives and happily expresses himself through us, in us and as us.
Speak to Him, thou, for He hears, and Spirit with Spirit can meet -
Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet.
Alfred Tennyson
Louis Templeman
Posted at 02:27 AM in Devotionals | Permalink
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"How good God is to have given wings to my soul and lifted it up!"
St. Therese
Posted at 03:15 AM in Words of Hope and Faith | Permalink
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